What goals have you accomplished this year?

This is a wake up call.  The year is two-thirds over already.  It is hard to believe, but it is true.

Are there important targets that you have yet to hit?  If so, then it is time to get busy finishing up your goals.

What resolutions did you commit to at the beginning of the year?  Do you remember?  I’m not here to create guilt, but I do want to motivate.

The year is not over yet.  There is still time to dig out those dusty resolutions and goals that you were so passionate about just a few short months ago.  Why not review them now and make one last surge toward the finish line?

It Is Easy to Let Goals Be Forgotten

There are many ways of going forward, but only one way of standing still.
~ Franklin D. Roosevelt

Goals slip into the abyss very easily.  They slither away from us and wind up totally forgotten if we aren’t vigilant in pursuing them.

It happens to almost all of us from time-to-time.  I’ll admit that this wake-up call is as much for me as it is for you.  Someone else rang the alarm bell for me this past weekend reminding me that the year was two-thirds over. 

As a result, I stopped for a moment to think, “What are my goals for this year?”

It is always good to review your goals for the year at least monthly to make sure you are still on track and to be certain you remain mindful of what is most important to you.

Standing still is lethal in today’s world.  It makes life stale, boring and it puts you in danger of losing your job, health and prosperity.  You’ve got to keep growing to stay alive.

Get Moving Toward Your Goals

People generally fall into one of three categories when it comes to achieving goals.  Let me address each category individually with some advice for those that need it.

Here are the three categories of people relative to goals:

1.  Goal Achievers

There are those people, albeit a small few, that set goals, stay focused on them and accomplish what they’ve set forth to do.  I call these people, not surprisingly, the Goal Achievers.  If you are in this group, then I’d like to congratulate you for your discipline, perseverance and, oh yeah, your tremendous success!

This is the group we should all strive to join.  They are the truly wealthy not the ones just pretending to be rich.  They have the best jobs, nicest families and go on the most exciting adventures.  How is it that they have all the things others desire?  Because they set meaningful goals for themselves that focused their efforts.  They then worked diligently to achieve their goals.  Hopefully, you are already a member of this group, but if not, please read on.

2.  Goal Neglectors

The second group is what I call the Goal Neglectors.  This is probably where the majority of people fall.  You might even be one of them.  The Neglectors at least occasionally set goals or verbalize resolutions, but their attention and resolve soon fades.  Within a short timeframe they generally completely forget whatever it was that they wanted to do.  It could have been losing weight, paying off debt, starting to exercise or increasing their education.  Whatever it was, it is soon completely neglected and mostly forgotten.

If this is where you find yourself two-thirds of the way through the year, then don’t despair.  Feeling guilty and beating yourself up won’t accomplish anything.  Instead, I recommend following my 5 Steps for Rejuvenating Your Goals and Resolutions.  I wrote this earlier in the year, but if you missed it and find that you are neglecting your goals or resolutions, then it should help you get refocused and headed toward being a Goal Achiever.

3.  Goal Lackers

Okay, the final category is the Goal Lackers.  As you might have guessed, these are the folks that don’t really have any goals or direction set for their lives.  They are floundering in a sea of aimlessness wondering, “Why does opportunity seem to always pass me by?”  They often believe they are the unluckiest souls on Earth.  Of course, what they fail to realize is what Thomas Jefferson put so eloquently, “I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.”  Setting goals and working hard to achieve them is the best way to improve your circumstances.

I doubt many of the Lackers are reading this, but just in case you are one and want some help or maybe you know one that you want to pass this along to, I’ll offer some advice on getting started with goal setting and personal improvement.  In fact, I’ll give Goal Lackers a framework to follow to develop meaningful, personal goals.  These Five Steps to Self Improvement work every time.  How do I know?  Because I’ve used them myself to develop goals and achieve greater success.

Wake Up and Achieve Your Goals

If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.
~ Albert Einstein

Goals are extremely important to living a happy, fulfilling life.  However, we often fall asleep to our goals.  We doze off and forget them.  With the year two-thirds of the way over, an alarm is going off.  It is time to wake up, jump up and get going!  If I could reach out and gently shake you right now to bring you back to reality, believe me I would do it.  Please let this serve as your wake-up call.  A great life is out there.  All you have to do is go get it.

Photo by koka_sexton

Related posts:

• New Year’s Resolutions: Seeking Good Advice and Ideas
• 5 Steps to Rejuvenate Your New Year’s Resolutions
• How To Keep Mindful And Committed To Goals And Resolutions

How engaged and satisfied are you on the job?

Many people hate their jobs or are seriously bored with what they do at work on a daily basis.  This is a serious issue that needs to be addressed.

As I mentioned in my last article a Lack of Engagement at Work Is Bad for You.  It carries many different risks that can really mess up your life.

Gallup says that two-thirds of American workers are “not engaged” or “disengaged”.  If you fall into this majority, then you should take action to correct the situation so you can live a more satisfying life.

See Being Disengaged as an Opportunity

It is easy to blame your employer, partners or even external factors such as the economy for your situation, but this important matter is one that you need to become responsible for and address.  Based on the negative impacts I detailed in my last post, you simply can’t continue ignoring the problem.  It is time to take the bull by the horns and make things better.

If you feel disengaged, then I’d suggest that you view this as an opportunity.

You might ask, “How is being disengaged at work an opportunity?”  Well, you are basically already at the bottom in terms of job satisfaction.  Therefore, you have nowhere to go but up.  This means that you have the opportunity to make changes with very little additional risk.  If you try something and it doesn’t work it isn’t really going to make you less happy, now is it?

Look at it this way, you are already risking your livelihood by being disengaged.  What more damage can you do?  Any change will likely be positive because it will give you a sense of control and enthusiasm that will almost surely turn things around.

Furthermore, you have the justification to change.  Having good justification is an opportunity.

Sometimes spouses, friends, partners and family members will resist change especially when it messes with their source of income.  But how can they argue when you let them read all the negative effects disengagement is having on your health, relationships and overall well-being?  It will certainly reduce their resistance if you present it correctly.

Here is this opportunity staring you right in the face.  What will you do with it?  Life is sending you a message.  It is time to respond.

What You Can Do About Your Disengagement at Work

Okay, you know the negative impact and you know that this is an opportunity to make some changes.  Now what do you do?  Well, I’m going to lean heavily on the advice offered by Douglas LaBier in Three Sources of Boredom in Today’s Workplace — And What Helps.  Here’s some of what Douglas suggests:

1.  Identify the Kind of Work that Engages You

Think about a past work experience where you felt very engaged.  What kind of work did it entail?  What were the challenges?  Did you work with a team or alone?  What specific things about that work did you find most satisfying?  Now think about your current situation.  What is lacking?  Is it your boss?  Is it your coworkers?  Is it the environment or the type of work?  Figuring out what makes you tick at work is the first step toward fixing the problem.

2.  Scope Out Opportunities

Once you have identified the kind of work that engages you, then look for opportunities at your present employer that are more stimulating for you.  Often, it is possible to carve out new responsibilities for yourself with a little initiative and extra effort.  Mold your job like Play Doh.  Craft it into something that you find more engaging.

3.  Talk It Out

Meet with your boss and explain that you are interested in getting involved in the type of work you identified above.  I wouldn’t tell them that you “feel bored” or “disengaged”.  I’d suggest putting it in more positive terms.  For example, say something like, “I’d like some new challenges.” or “I’m interested in growing in a new direction where I can make a greater contribution.”  Most bosses will appreciate this kind of interest.  If your boss isn’t open to the idea, then talk to someone in HR or another leader that you trust.

4.  Think Outside the Box

If you just can’t figure out a way to make your existing situation work, then look for another opportunity that is more engaging.  You might be able to find something in another department or you might have to move to a completely new employer.  Be patient and look for something that really excites you.  Of course, work is not the only place that you can apply your skills.  You can also consider things outside of work altogether such as volunteer opportunities, starting a micro-business or beginning a hobby.

Make Changes to Become More Engaged at Work

You simply cannot remain disengaged at work and expect to live a great life.  You’ve got to deal with this problem before it causes issues with your health, relationships and finances.  Apply the suggestions above and you’ll find yourself in a much better situation at work in no time.

 Photo by CarbonNYC

Related posts:

• Lack of Engagement at Work Is Bad for You
• How to Make the Work in Our Life Rewarding
• 10 Tactics To Stay Invisible And Slack Off At Work

© My Super-Charged Life, 2010. | Permalink | 2 comments | Add to del.icio.us

Are you fully engaged at work?

I want to say right up front that a lack of engagement at work is bad for you.  Yes, it is bad for your employer too, but the negative effect it is having on you is my main concern.  So, let’s take a look at this and see what we can do about it.

Engaged Versus Disengaged

Engaged workers are all out involved.  They are enthusiastic, proactive and dedicated to making their business a success.  They enjoy what they do.

Disengaged workers are bored, stressed, distracted, disillusioned and sometimes holding back from giving their organizations their full potential.  They do not enjoy what they do.

Which are you?

When you think of a disengaged worker you may imagine the burned out cubicle dweller or the slacking construction employee, but I think it goes beyond this.  In fact, I think there are also a lot of disengaged CEOs, managers, entrepreneurs and freelancers out there.  Are you one of these?  If you are, then this information will help you too.

Feeling less than fully engaged at work is a troubling problem that contradicts living life to the fullest.  Your work engagement level has a lot to do with your success and satisfaction on the job.  If you aren’t fully engaged, then it isn’t likely that you are going to be happy, healthy or effective.  Therefore, we need to do something to fix it.

The Majority of Workers are Bored and Disengaged

If you are not fully engaged at work, then you are not alone.  Studies show that worker engagement is dropping.  Gallup says that more than two-thirds of American workers are “not engaged” or “disengaged”.  Two-thirds!  This certainly constitutes a major issue.

Bored and disengaged workers fritter their time away on the Internet, socializing, gossiping and going to make-believe appointments.  One article I read recounts Joel’s story.  He is a disengaged, mid-level executive who sneaked out of his office one afternoon to go to a movie.  When the movie was over, he ran into his boss coming out of the same theater!

Other studies have confirmed what Gallup has found.  Workers around the world are bored and do not feel fully engaged.  They feel under-utilized and under-appreciated which leads to heavy dissatisfaction on the job and in their personal lives.

The Negative Effect Disengagement Has on You

A lot of articles address the negative consequences that a lack of engagement has on employers and businesses, but again that’s not my focus.  I’m concerned about the internal agony it creates for individuals like yourself.  This inward division causes stress which is a contributing factor to many serious health issues, but this is just a part of the story.

Overall, what I found about the effects of disengagement at work on our quality of life is very concerning.  For example:

• An English study followed a group of healthy men over 10 years. What they found is men who were engaged at work are 30% less likely to suffer from coronary heart disease than employees who are disengaged at work.  This confirms the link to negative health effects.
• Another study found that, 5 in 10 engaged workers (53%) strongly agreed that they had gotten the important things they want in their lives, compared to just 13% of actively disengaged workers.
• It was also found that work stress had caused 54% of actively disengaged workers to behave badly with friends or family members three or more days in the last month.

Bottom line, a lack of engagement at work causes health issues, relationship trouble and reduces the likelihood that you are going to get the important things you want in life.  In my mind, this makes it a serious problem that you need to deal with before it wrecks your life.

Of course, disengagement can also put you at risk for losing your job which is most likely your primary source of income.  Without steady income, you are likely going to suffer financially.  This can lead to additional stress which can further complicate health and relationship issues. 

The whole matter can snowball on you very quickly which is pretty scary.  Disengagement at work is obviously bad for you.  There is no two ways about it.

Again, two-thirds of all American workers are suffering from some level of disengagement at work.  This means that a lot of people are living less than a great life.

You Need to Deal with Your Lack of Engagement at Work

Don’t you want a better life for yourself?  Don’t you want to avoid the health, relationship and financial issues that being disengaged at work can lead to?  Heck, don’t you want to be happy at work where you spend a good deal of your time?  If so, then it is time to deal with your lack of engagement.  It is time to take action to correct the situation.

Keep in mind that the needed change might be modest or radical.  Either way, the need to fix things is staring you right in the face.  In my next article, I will explain how a lack of engagement at work is an opportunity and how to go about making the necessary corrections.

 Photo by joshuahoffmanphoto

Related posts:

• Being Disengaged at Work Is an Opportunity
• Three Common Excuses For Less Than Excellent Work
• 10 Tactics To Stay Invisible And Slack Off At Work

What is holding you back from a better life?

There is always room for improvement in everyone’s life.  However, we usually handcuff ourselves in some way which prevents us from moving on to that higher place.

What is it for you?  Do you know?

You have to learn to untangle yourself from whatever it is so you can begin to enjoy a more fulfilling life.

The things that tie us up and keep us from living life to the fullest aren’t always obvious, but they are there.  Some things are more subtle and hidden than others. 

You may think your bad habits are harmless, but if they are holding you back from improving your life, then they need to be broken.

Set Yourself Free to Live a Better Life

For whether it be a strong wire rope or a slender and delicate thread that holds the bird, it matters not, if it really holds it fast; for, until the cord be broken the bird cannot fly.
~ Saint John of the Cross

Are you like a bird tied down by a piece of thread so that you cannot fly?  Again, I’ll ask, what is holding you back from a better life?  For most of us, it is simply a thread.  A small bad habit that ties us down.  For others, it might be a strong addiction that acts like a wire rope or chain.  Either way, you need to break it and set yourself free.  I want to help you identify your thread and how to untie it.

20 Things that Hold Us Back and How to Break Free

Here are some common things that entangle us and keep us from living life to the fullest.  Clicking the links in this list will take you to articles that will help you break free.

1.  Denial

The first step in breaking free is recognizing and admitting that you have something holding you back.  Denial is a huge issue that we have to overcome before we can even begin to be free.  Denial is an insidious master that often goes unnoticed.  I recommend reading Living in Denial: Don’t Let Your Inner Pig Win to see if you have an issue with denial in your life.

2.  Fear

Fear is often the thread holding us back from living life to the fullest.  There are all kinds of things that you might fear, but one thing is certain.  Fear is a prison.  It is imperative that you Cure Your Fear To Get The Most Out of Life!  Don’t let your fear rule you any longer.  Break free!

3.  Self Doubt

We all have moments of self doubt, but some of us tend to dwell there longer than others.  This can be very detrimental to a full and rewarding life.  You have to Toss Out Feelings of Insignificance and embrace the idea that You Are a Powerful Force so you can reach higher in life.

4.  Lack of Planning

A wise proverb says, “He who fails to plan, plans to fail”.  You must have a clear and well-defined plan if you want to succeed.  What is your life plan?  Without one you are NOT living life to the fullest.  I’d highly recommend reading How to Live Life to the Fullest: A Step-by-Step Guide to get your plan together.

5.  Clutter

Clutter clogs up our life.  It gets in the way and causes one to feel overwhelmed and depressed.  You must clean up clutter to live a great life.  You just do not need all that stuff.  Here are 10 Questions to Help You Declutter your life and break free.

6.  Complexity

Similar to clutter, complexity in life is a drain.  There are all kinds of ways that we overcomplicate our lives.  To break free, we need to embrace simplicity.  I’d suggest starting with this list of 27 Simple Ways to Simplify Your Life.

7.  Debt

Debt definitely is a ball and chain that weighs you down and holds you back from living life to the fullest.  When you owe people money, you are a slave to them.  You work for them and not yourself.  Read more about why I think being Debt-Free Is The Path To Financial Success and then follow the steps in Getting Debt-Free Using The Debt Snowball Technique to pay off your creditors.

8.  Efficiency

Yes, I said efficiency.  Being too efficient robs life of a lot of joy.  In fact, I think that Efficiency Thwarts Happiness and the Good Life.  You have to learn to slow down and ditch your hurriedness to live a fulfilling life.  Stop rushing and start really living.

9.  Lack of Focus

Our lives become what we focus on.  If you are focused on nothing, then nothing is what you are going to get.  Is a lack of focus holding you back from getting what you want?  Learn to focus your attention and you’ll be amazed at how quickly things start to happen for you.  My fourth rule for smart living is to Focus Your Thoughts and Actions to get the most out of life.

10.  Giving Up

Some of us have a tendency to give up too easily.  This can certainly hold you back from living the best life possible.  Your pot of gold may be just around the next corner, but if you stop now you’ll never know.  If you think you are prone to giving up then read How to Keep Going When the Going Gets Tough.

11.  Wrong Ideas about Happiness

Stephen Covey warns us that we don’t want to climb the ladder to success only to find it is leaning against the wrong wall.  However, that is exactly what many of us do because we have the wrong ideas about what makes us happy.  If you think this might be you, then check out How We Judge Success Determines Our Happiness.

12.  Poor Eating Habits

Good health is essential to enjoying life.  You can’t live a rich life if you feel bad or have diseases that cause you pain.  One of the leading causes of health problems is a poor diet.  It really isn’t that hard to improve your diet.  Here are The Eight Best Foods To Eat Everyday and all of them are very common things that most people like.  Break free from your poor eating habits!

13.  Lack of Exercise

There are at least 13 Scientifically Proven Health Benefits Of Exercise.  If you don’t exercise, you are likely not going to have adequate energy to really enjoy life the way you want.  Exercise doesn’t have to be boring or overly strenuous.  For example, I use Wii Fit as a part of My Personal Fitness Plan.  Lack of exercise may be the thread holding you back from a better life.

14.  Dwelling in the Past

The past is the past.  Your life is happening now.  If you spend too much time focusing on the past, then you need to Forget the Past: Let It Go to Fly Higher.  The past will hold you down like an anchor if you let it.  Focus your eyes on what is in front of you to get the most out of life.

15.  Comfort

Comfort is NOT an Option if you want to grow and achieve better things for yourself and your family.  You aren’t going to find a great life sitting on the couch watching television or laying in bed.  You’ve got to get out there and engage in life if you want great things for yourself.  Break your addiction to comfort!

16.  Being a Control Freak

You cannot control every detail of life.  If you try, you will wring all the joy and adventure out of it.  This will leave you bored, lonely and desperate.  You’ve got to ask yourself, Are You A Control Freak In Your Relationships?  If so, then you need to fix it.  It is costing you more than you know.

17.  No Spiritual Life

We are more than flesh and bones.  The sooner you realize this and accept it, the sooner you’ll start living a better life.  Here are 7 Good Habits for Faith that will help you build a strong spiritual life.  Faith adds meaning and purpose to life which are essential to living life to the fullest.

18.  Dull Sense of Creativity

Are you creative?  Most people would say they aren’t, but this is simply not true.  You just lack a true sense of your creativity.  We all create.  We were born with innate skills in this area.  We just don’t exercise them.  You need to Rekindle Your Creativity to live the best life possible.

19.  Frenzied Thinking

We are masters of working ourselves into a frenzy especially during periods of adversity.  However, this state of stress, anxiousness and worry is detrimental to our lives.  Here are 5 Ways To Calm Your Thinking And Deal With Adversity that will help you mitigate the negative effects and maximize your life.

20.  Denying Stupidity

We all make stupid mistakes sometimes.  The best thing to do is to Admit Your Stupid Mistakes and learn from them.  This leads to growth.  Denying our stupidity leaves us stuck in ignorance and prone to repeat our errors.  Acknowledge your stupidity to break free from it.

Which of these things is holding you back from a better life?  Untie yourself and fly!

Photo by cdogstar

Related posts:

• 5 Ways To Calm Your Thinking And Deal With Adversity
• Grade School Still Holding You Back? – Part Two
• 7 Critical Ways You Need to Take Your Life Off Autopilot

© My Super-Charged Life, 2010. | Permalink | 3 comments | Add to del.icio.us

Does your marriage need a revival?

At one time, you were likely madly in love with your spouse.  You probably couldn’t get enough of each other.  Wasn’t that a wonderful feeling?  Wouldn’t you like to reclaim the passion and excitement you felt back then?

Marriage is not easy.  However, a fulfilling, lifelong relationship is a vital part of living life to the fullest.  We need each other to experience all that life has to offer.

If your marriage is not what it used to be or not what you expected, then please don’t just stand by and watch it wither on the vine.  That would be an incredible tragedy.  Marriages survive and thrive because the individuals involved value the relationship enough to invest in it.

The Reasons You Need to Revive Your Marriage

There is no substitute for the comfort supplied by the utterly taken-for granted relationship.  ~Iris Murdoch

We really do take for granted the comfort and value our marriages are in our lives.  Let me take a few moments to remind you of a few of the reasons that you need to revive your marriage.

1.  You Love Each Other

Whether your relationship is just a little stale or if you are on the brink of divorce, deep down inside you still love each other.  Several years after a divorce, I’ve heard one spouse or the other say that I’ll always have a place for him/her in my heart.  Love is too hard to find to let it grow cold.  You shouldn’t put yourself through this.  A vibrant relationship is too important to each person’s well-being to let it fade.

2.  Your Children Need You Both

Children are much more perceptive than we often give them credit for being.  They are also more sensitive than we think.  If there is strife in your marriage, then your kids feel it and it bothers them.  If you won’t do it for yourself or your spouse, then at least make an attempt to revive your marriage for your children.  They deserve it from you.

3.  You Are a Team

Let’s face it.  Life is harder for single people.  They have no one to lean on.  Again, we get a lot of comfort and support from our spouses.  More than we will generally acknowledge.  Dividing up the load life puts upon us and having someone to come home to at night makes life more comfortable.  You need each other and if you think back to better times, you’ll probably agree that you make a pretty good team.

4.  You Want a Great Life

Studies have shown that there are big benefits in marriage.  As a married person, you will generally experience better health, more happiness and increased material well-being.  Some studies have even shown that you will live longer.  Of course, if you are going to be together, then you might as well make the best of it by keeping the flame burning brightly.

5.  Divorce Is Messy and Painful

Divorce is something that you don’t want to experience.  You may not feel that is the direction you are headed, but you wouldn’t be the first person surprised when their spouse announces they’ve fell out of love.  It just isn’t worth the risk.  A good marriage takes effort.  It needs your undivided attention.

An Opportunity to Revive Your Marriage in 16 Weeks

Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate.  ~Barnett R. Brickner

Don’t you believe that your marriage is worth reviving?  If so, then be the right mate and demonstrate it in a very concrete manner by enrolling in the Blow Up My Marriage class offered by Dr. Corey Allan, Ph.D.

Dr. Allan has a doctorate degree in Family Therapy.  He is also a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a Licensed Professional Counselor.  On top of this, he has been in private practice working with couples for 9 years.  Through all of this he has learned and wants to teach you some key lessons that can totally transform your marriage into the relationship you most desire.

Dr. Allan has a real heart for helping people revive their marriages and that’s why I’m suggesting his class.  He has put together something really innovative.  He conducts his marriage class online.

Advantages of Blow Up My Marriage Approach

There are a number of benefits to this 16 week online approach.  Here are just a few of the main advantages:

• It is available to anyone, anywhere.
• It is very discrete.
• It is extremely affordable.
• It is convenient enough to fit anyone’s schedule.

How this Class Will Transform Your Marriage from Good to Great!

Here is what Dr. Allan says that you will learn in the class:

• How to create the best marriage from your strengths, not by looking at what’s wrong.
• How to see that it’s the relationship that’s the issue, not you or your spouse.
• Why you never want to lean on your spouse.
• How to create a great life and have your marriage be the icing on the cake.
• And, how to transform your sex life.

I absolutely love the positive and practical approach that Dr. Allan has applied to this class.  He has obviously created something very powerful.  You can read the testimonials from past class participants on Dr. Allan’s site.

How to Sign Up and What It Will Cost to Revive Your Marriage

You can sign up for the Blow Up My Marriage Class by clicking the link below:

Class begins Monday, August 30, 2010: Click Here to Enroll

Enrollment closes a week after the class begins and is limited to the first 60 sign-ups.  You can participate in the class alone or with your spouse for the same price.

The class costs $275 per individual or couple.  This is an incredible bargain!

Let me put this into perspective for you.  The cost for this class that can revive your marriage is:

• The equivalent of about two sessions with an equally qualified marriage counselor.
• Less than the average monthly car payment in the United States.
• Thousands less than getting a divorce.
• Only $2.45 per day for the 16-week course which is less than the cost of a daily Starbucks latte.

The cost of the class is not inconsequential, but I can’t think of any other way to make such a big difference in the most important relationship in your life.  Can you?

Please don’t procrastinate on this.  Dr. Allan says the class will fill up and you don’t want to miss this incredible opportunity.  Go revive your marriage!

If you click on the link above and sign up for Dr. Allan’s class, then a portion of the proceeds will go towards supporting this site.  Thank you!

Photo by masochismtango

Related posts:

• Reader Poll: Is Love Or Commitment Most Important In Marriage?
• Improve Your Marriage: 50 Simple Acts of Love
• Behind the Wheel: What’s Steering Your Relationship?

How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Regardless of the answer, most people believe there is still a higher level of happiness out there for them.  However, they have no real, concrete ideas about how to go about increasing their happiness.

This leads them to all kinds of crazy pursuits that almost always turn out to be dead-ends.  Finding happiness can definitely be a frustrating experience.

However, it really isn’t as complicated as we make it out to be.  There are some very simple building blocks for happiness that once recognized can significantly increase our feelings of well-being.

The Wrong Ways to Try to Increase Happiness

It is important to begin by identifying some of the wrong ways that we seek happiness.  These will serve as a contrast to the real building blocks that we will discuss later.

Most of us apply the trial and error technique for finding happiness.  We go wherever our whims and desires lead us hoping and thinking it will make us happy.  Unfortunately, this very behavior is usually what leads to unhappiness.

We try a thing believing it is the solution to our happiness dilemma only to discover that it is a false promise.  This produces feelings of despair, confusion and sometimes embarrassment.  Of course, all of these reduce our happiness level leaving us less happy than we were before.

In addition, we often confuse pleasure with happiness.  We think more food, money, possessions, prestige, recognition, adventure or sex will appease that insatiable hunger inside us.  These things may produce a temporary high, but generally they are not long-term solutions.  Why?  Because it continually takes more and more of these fixes to produce the same good feelings.  It is not sustainable nor is it the path to real happiness.

Others of us have turned to trying to numb the hunger for more happiness.  We bury ourselves in work, hobbies, television, drugs, video games or alcohol trying to deaden the desire.  Of course, this never works either and instead just leaves us feeling burned out and desperate.

These are all counterfeits.  They can never really make us happier.  They are deceptions.  Think of them like mirages in a desert.  They only offer false hope and fail to deliver true satisfaction.

The Real Building Blocks for Greater Happiness

What are the real solutions for finding greater happiness?  Well, there is a unique recipe for each individual.  Therefore, I can’t tell you to do this or do that and you’ll be happy.  No one can. 

What I can do is give you three building blocks.  These lay the foundation for creating happiness.  They are the groundwork and from there you can add your own unique style to the final outcome.  Real happiness starts with these three essentials weaving them uniquely into your own tapestry.

Here are the three real building blocks for greater happiness:

1.  Trust

In order to be happy you have to be in an environment where trust exists.  Trust is where you derive your sense of safety.  If you don’t feel safe, then you can’t really begin to be happy.  You need to know that you aren’t going to be taken advantage of around every corner.  Societies where trust is very low are some of the unhappiest countries on Earth.

To experience greater happiness, we need to be able to trust and feel a relatively high degree of safety with:

• Our spouses and family
• Our government
• Our job security
• Our financial means
• Our access to basic necessities

I’m sure this list is not 100% complete, but it gives you the idea.  We have to be able to trust that we are safe and that our basic needs are going to be met in order to experience greater happiness.

This is the first building block.  If you are in a situation where your sense of trust is low, then you need to rectify that before you are going to be able to find more happiness.  This means that you might need to improve your relationships or find a new job or get on a budget to better your financial situation.  The point is that if you increase your trust in your well-being, you’ll begin to increase your happiness.

2.  Community

We all desire a sense of connectedness.  I know there are differences in this area when it comes to introverts versus extroverts, but it is really just a difference in scale.  Introverts want a small, intimate group of close friends where extroverts want a large, looser group of what a lot of us introverts usually refer to as acquaintances.  The point is that we all want to feel like we belong somewhere.

This is why there is such a strong social element in schools, workplaces and churches.  Of course, you also find people flocking together at pubs, around hobbies and even online.  Once we feel a sense of trust, then we are free to start building a sense of community or connectedness with others.

Community gives us a sense of affirmation.  We feel loved and accepted by the group and this is very important to our overall well-being.  Your community could be your family, a club, a church

You might think that you like to be alone, but this really isn’t the case.  It is an avoidance mechanism.  You have likely been hurt by others in the past and don’t want to subject yourself to the possibility of future pain.

If you desire a greater sense of happiness, then you have to find that place where you fit in and can become a part of the community.  I know it is sometimes risky, but your happiness depends upon it.

3.  Purpose

Once we have trust and community, then finding our purpose is essential to greater happiness still.  Generally, people find this purpose in their community, whatever kind of group that is.  For example, if you belong to a club of some sort, then you might seek to become president or serve in some other capacity necessary to the group’s proper functioning. 

Purpose gives you a sense of being needed and valuable.  This is a crucial part of feeling happier.  We all want to know that we matter.  We want to feel like we are contributing to the greater good.  We also want a few pats on the back from others.  All of this gives us a warm feeling inside that is a part of our overall happiness.

There are a ton of ways to find purpose in your life.  You can volunteer.  You can help family.  You can work at a career that you feel fulfills a worthy cause.  Again, this purpose is unique to your personality and desire, but finding it will definitely boost your happiness.

Use These Building Blocks to Create Greater Happiness

I challenge you to consider these building blocks in your own life.  Where are you lacking?  Where do you need to concentrate to increase your happiness?  What do you need more of?  Explore these building blocks and you will find that it really is possible to build a better life.

Photo by StarMama

Related posts:

• The Science of Happiness: Intentional Activities To Be Happier
• The Science of Happiness: Your Happiness Set Point
• Five Happiness Myths That Leave Us Feeling Unfulfilled

Are you living your best life?  If not, why not?

Why would you waste another day living less than the very best life possible?  Henry David Thoreau tells us, “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.” 

Is this going to be you?  Are you living up to your full potential or are you living a life of quiet desperation?

Your best life is out there for you to pursue, but no one is going to do it for you.  Not your boss.  Not your spouse.  Not your children.  Not anyone.  If you want more out of life, then you’ve got to wake up, take charge and make it happen.

Make a Plan for a Better Life

He who fails to plan, plans to fail
~ Proverb

How do you start living a better life?  You become very intentional.  You design your future.  How do you do this?  By making a very specific plan.  Without a plan, you will be tossed by the currents and who knows where you will end up.  It likely won’t be where you intended.  Are you going to let your life get away from you like this?  Maybe it already has to a degree.  Why not get it on track and keep it there?

There are probably a million variations on how you can go about creating a specific plan for your life, but here are three components that I think nail it down pretty well.

1.  Creating A Life List

Nothing happens unless first we dream.
~ Carl Sandberg

A life list answers questions like these:

• What do you want to do with your life?
• Where do you want to live?
• How do you want to spend your time?
• What are your dreams?
• What causes are important to you?
• How much money do you want to make?
• What kind of job do you most desire?
• What kind of home do you want to own?

A life list is basically a complete vision for your life put together one puzzle piece at a time.  To paraphrase Stephen Covey, “To get what you want, you must begin with the end in mind.”

2.  Setting Unambiguous Goals

What is not started today is never finished tomorrow.
~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Once you have your life list, then you can start to build a series of unambiguous goals.  You write out as specifically as possible what you want and when you will get it.  For example, if you want to buy a house, you say, “I will own a home by January 1, 2012.” 

Some of your goals will be short-term and some will be long-term.  That’s okay.  The main thing is that you get down on paper what you really want out of life.  This charts a specific course.  This definiteness of purpose will set in motion a flow of energy that will propel you forward.  You’ll be amazed at how fast you make meaningful progress in the direction you want to move once you have your goals clearly stated.

3.  Defining an Action Plan

Action is the antidote to despair.
~ Joan Baez

Once you have translated your life list into unambiguous goals, then you need to decide on what concrete steps you need to take to bring your goals into reality.  This means putting together an action plan.  For each of your goals, ask yourself, “What action steps do I need to take to accomplish this goal?”

Writing goals is powerful, but without action, it is all for naught.  You have to act if you want anything to really change.  You have to plunge the shovel into the earth if you want to dig a hole.  Once the course is charted, then act with courage and purpose to bring your life list into reality.  Dreams are realized one small action at a time.

Stand Up and Make It Happen for You

Every day do something that will inch you closer to a better tomorrow.
~ Doug Firebaugh

Putting together a life list, writing out goals and defining an action plan sounds simple, but it isn’t always easy.  If it was, then more people would be living the life they really want.  You would already have everything you desire.  There would be no need for me or anyone else to even mention all this, because we’d all be enjoying wonderful, satisfying lives. 

But, that’s not really the case is it?  No.  Instead, most of us, maybe even you, are leading a life of quiet desperation.

It is time to stand up.  It is time to make a plan for living the life you really want.  It is time to reach out and get a little help to put things on the right track toward your full potential.

I have a suggestion that will help you do all this.  To give yourself a leg up, buy a copy of How to Live Your Best Life: The Essential Guide for Creating and Achieving Your Life List.  This is the best workbook I have ever discovered for walking people through creating the life they really want.

Because I feel this ebook is such a great resource, I have negotiated a special offer with Marelisa for my readers.  For everyone else, she recently raised her price to $14.60 and believe me it is worth every penny of that, but to make this decision easy for you, I have asked that she give you one more chance to buy this terrific ebook at her introductory price.

Special Offer Details

Click here and enter supercharged as your discount code during checkout and you’ll get the $9.50 introductory price until August 31, 2010.  This is 35% off the regular price!

There is no risk involved.  If you aren’t 100% satisfied, then you have up to 60 days to notify Marelisa and she will refund your money, no questions asked.  This is a deal that can’t be beat.  You can buy the ebook at a terrific discount and receive a money-back satisfaction guarantee.  What have you got to lose?

To be totally transparent, I want to tell you up front that out of her generosity, Marelisa shares a percentage of her sales with me to help support this site, but even if she didn’t, I would still recommend her book to you because it is truly that good.

Stop Making Excuses and Start Living

Heaven never helps the man who will not act.
~ Sophocles

You have no excuse for living in quiet desperation for another minute.  It is up to you.  What will you do?  Will you stay where you are and continue down this path or will you reach for change?  I’ve done everything I can do for you.  What will you do for yourself?

You have been presented here with an opportunity.  Will you recognize it?  Will you act upon it?  Many will not.  They will make up yet another excuse.  They will choose to believe negative things.  They will let their so-called rational minds talk them out of it.

However, a few will act and those few will realize the benefits.  They will start to move themselves toward a better life.  They will smile knowing their song will be sung.  What will you do?  I hope you’ll make it happen.

Photo by paul (dex)

Related posts:

• How to Live Life to the Fullest: A Step-by-Step Guide
• Rule #1 for Living a Super-Charged Life
• Act Now for a Super-Charged Life

I took this photo in my backyard this Spring.  My father-in-law gave me the water iris last year, but this was the first time that it has bloomed.  What a beautiful flower!  I’m glad that I have the chance to pass it along and let others enjoy it too.

Have You Tried My Super-Charged Blog Search?

Are you seeking a better life?  A couple of years ago I created my own Super-Charged Blog Search.  I hand-select the blog sites that are included so you are sure to find only the highest quality articles in the areas of self-improvement, personal finance, entrepreneurship, relationships, parenting and more.  It is a great way to zero in on the guidance you need when you need it.  I hope you’ll give it a try.

Bloggers – If your site is not included, then please use my contact page to submit your site for consideration.  Again, I only include what I consider to be the highest quality sites that I believe will benefit my readers.  Of course, I certainly may have overlooked yours so please don’t hesitate to send it over.  I’m going to enjoy checking out what I get.

Articles to Help You Find a Better Life

I’m always pursuing a better life.  Therefore, I’m always looking for great articles that help me along the journey.  Here are a few that I have found particularly useful in the last week or so:

• The Little Things: Happy Marriages Happen in Moments
• 10 Ways to Start Loving Life
• How Positive Thinking Re-Wires Your Brain
• Don’t Give Away Your Happiness
• You Can’t Fix Your Life in 5 Easy Steps

As always, I hope you have a fantastic weekend!

Related posts:

• Super-Charged Living: Creating Significance and Joy in Life
• Extraordinary Life Network: We Are Making Ordinary Obsolete
• Super-Charged Living: How To Live Life To Its Fullest

© My Super-Charged Life, 2010. | Permalink | One comment | Add to del.icio.us

This is a guest post by Eduard at People Skills Decoded.

When I as in high-school, I often had a problem with making myself heard.  Whenever I would talk in a group setting, people seemed not to be paying too much attention to me, and I would constantly get interrupted. This would piss me off, especially because I knew I usually had better ideas than the guys who were getting more attention than me.

After years of debate and public speaking, working on my confidence and my conversational skills, I got to a point where I could make myself heard in any group setting, periodically doing speeches in front of large groups. Now that I think about it, I probably overcompensated.

Tips to Make Sure You Are Heard

Here are some of the most important ideas which helped me make this personal change, a change which I now also help a lot of my clients master.

1. Speak Quieter Instead of Louder

When you’re under the impression that people are not listening to you, it’s a natural reaction to speak louder, in order to get their attention. But what actually works better is the exact opposite: speaking with a lower voice.

You see, the problem is not that people can’t hear you. It’s that you don’t communicate power and thus, you don’t hold their attention. The trick is to speak deeply, in a low voice which has a certain resonance, and to do this without reflecting nervousness. This communicates to other people that you have confidence in the value of your words and you expect them to listen to you. And so they will.

2. Learn to Interrupt

Interrupting is not something I recommend you do often in a conversation. But it is something which you need to become comfortable with. Knowing you can interrupt and focus attention on yourself gives you a sort of confidence which automatically adds more power to your speaking.

There is only one real way to learn this: by doing it. Practice interrupting people when they’re talking. It may not be polite, but trust me, it’s very useful. As you do this with various people, you will quickly master the art of cutting others off mid-sentence, and you will have a new tool for gaining others attention.

3. Learn to Take Risks

Most people who cannot hold others’ attention when they are speaking are very safe in the way they speak. They never say anything bold or offensive, they never contradict anyone. This makes them pretty boring and predictable, and so it makes sense that nobody pays much attention to them.

The ability to make yourself heard is hugely determined by your willingness to rock the boat. A good exercise to learn this is to deliberately say stuff which is bold and defiant, even if you don’t believe in it, as a way to get comfortable with taking risks in conversations. And as you do this and realize it’s not the end of the world to upset someone, you will get comfortable.

4. Speak in Simple Words

In any discussion, the more complex and sophisticated your words are, the more chances you have of loosing everybody. The point is not to impress others with your vast baggage of words. The point is to have a real impact.

Real impact comes from being understood which comes from stating your ideas in plain and simple words. I constantly recommend people practice using simpler words with all kinds of audiences, whenever they speak or they write, in order to master it. Content is important, but form is king.

Make Sure You Get Heard When You Speak

Speaking and making yourself heard is not hard. It just seems that way when you’re not able to do it. Understanding the principles of high-impact communication and applying them consistently will get you there and will make you proud of yourself as a speaker.

Eduard Ezeanu is a communication coach with an attitude-based approach. He helps others to improve people skills they find relevant and get top notch results. He also writes on his blog, People Skills Decoded.

Photo by thivierr

Related posts:

• Miscommunication Quotes: Improve How You Are Heard
• I’m Sorry I Blinked and Didn’t Hear You
• Top 7 Traits of Interesting and Engaging People

© My Super-Charged Life, 2010. | Permalink | 2 comments | Add to del.icio.us

Men, have you had any fun lately?

In our pursuit of living life to the fullest, fun is an essential element.  One that we often ignore. 

Having fun is not admired in our society like work is for example.  If you are having fun, then you are goofing off.  I think men are especially susceptible to this way of thinking.

However, without some fun and enjoyment, we quickly burn out.  Fun dissipates our stress and clears our minds.  We need a good amount of fun to help us feel happy.  If you are feeling run down and blue, then I suggest trying one of these fun activities to boost your morale.

The Big List of 50 Ideas for Manly Fun

Sometimes even when we know we need some fun, we can’t think of anything to do.  Therefore, I’ve put together this list to help inspire you to create your own enjoyable experience.

Here are 50 ideas for manly fun:

1.  Go to a NCAA football game.  The season starts soon!

2.  Rent a motorcycle for a road trip.

3.  Go see back-to-back action movies.

4.  Take a solo hike in the woods.

5.  Learn to scuba dive.

6.  Rent a boat for a weekend.

7.  Spend a quiet afternoon in Starbucks reading a great book.

8.  Take a kayaking class.

9.  Go on a whitewater rafting trip.

10.  Take a day off in the middle of the week.

11.  Go to a NASCAR race.

12.  Get a group of friends to go bowling.

13.  Organize a poker game.

14.  Visit your favorite local pub after work, but don’t overdo it.

15.  Attend a Major League Baseball game.

16.  Sit in a lawn chair in a city park and just relax.

17.  Throw a big party at your house.

18.  Buy the latest and greatest video game.

19.  Go to a big concert.

20.  Travel to the Caribbean for a tropical vacation.

21.  Surprise your wife or girlfriend with a night out on the town.

22.  Cook a big steak on the grill.

23.  Skip the cooking and instead go out to your favorite steak house.

24.  Borrow your bachelor friend’s fast car for a day or two.

25.  Learn to fly fish for trout.

26.  Take a hunting trip.

27.  Go to the local gun range and shoot a really cool firearm.

28.  Spend a day at the swimming pool.

29.  Take a run on the beach.

30.  Go mountain biking on a new trail.

31.  Take a guided, deep sea fishing trip.

32.  Fly a real fighter plane.

33.  Learn to hang ten on a surfboard.

34.  Go backpacking in a national park.

35.  Plan yourself an off-road, 4×4 adventure.

36.  Get face-to-face with a real, live shark.

37.  Climb a mountain or at least walk up one.

38.  Go snowboarding (seasonal).

39.  Get a tee time and shoot a round of golf.

40.  Fish for largemouth bass in an area lake.

41.  Take your dog to the dog park and play fetch.

42.  Go to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland.

43.  Take your kids to the amusement park and ride all the thrill rides.

44.  Play a game of chess, dominoes or checkers with a friend.

45.  Take a day to reacquaint yourself with your favorite musical instrument.

46.  Buy and fly a remote control airplane.

47.  Go to a comedy club.

48.  Rent an RV and spend some time in the great outdoors.

49.  Go rock climbing or rappelling.

50.  Take a sailboat for a nice long cruise.

Get Out and Have Some Manly Fun

Men, go ahead and indulge yourself with a little fun this week.  You’ll definitely thank yourself for it.  You’ll feel happier, have less stress and experience that adrenaline rush you’ve been missing.

How do you like to have fun?

Photo by nsaplayer

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• Ten Staycation Articles For Your Fun and Enjoyment!
• 11 Adventures Anyone Can Use To Spice Up Their Life
• Beat High Gas Prices This Summer With A Staycation